I haven't been myself lately, to say the least.
I've done things I regret, and I haven't been there for those who need me.
I want to start off by apologizing for being so quiet lately. I'm having some trouble, and I thought I could go it alone. I've been feeling like this for a long time, and I haven't been able to talk about it, mostly because I thought that it would go away, and because I didn't want to worry anyone, burden anyone. But that's not the way to think. Everyone needs help. Although you only NEED yourself, you can ask for help sometimes. People think it's selfish to put yourself first, to think you don't need anyone but you, but as long as you realize you can ask for help, and as long as you love others and care about others, it's alright to put yourself first. But when it comes to help, I've always been so afraid to ask. But friends are friends because they care! That is the whole point of having a friend, so you can go to them when things get tough, when you need a shoulder to cry on. You can't worry about worrying them, because if they really care about you, they're going to worry more if you don't talk, and you hide away. But also, if you're not ready to talk, they should understand that. But I think I'm ready.
It seems like I've been this way forever, and that sucks to think. I'm wasting my time thinking about the BAD. It seems like it's the only thing, but it's not even close. I'm letting it take over my thoughts, I'm not being optimistic. I'm trying to live with a new perspective on life. I'm going to know that there is bad and there is good, but you have to remember the good above all. The bad, you learn from and then move on. I have to be optimistic about the future, I am going to succeed in something, because I'm smart, and a good person. It's going to be okay, I have an amazing group of friends who love and care about me, and I have UVR which makes me happier than I've been in a long time.
They are not everything.
Sure, they're cute, and funny and you can't help but smile about that one guy, but you can't stress over them and let them become everything. Sure, I like him a lot, maybe more than I should, but I'm not going to obsess over every second I spend with him. I'm not going to let him hurt me. Either we hang out more, and he starts liking me, or we just stay friends. I still get to spend time with him, he's an amazing person and he's been a lot of help. I'm not going to lie, he's absolutely beautiful and amazing and it would be so easy to get over my head and let him mess with me, but I'm not going to let myself. I have other things in my life. I have friends and school and music.
So, on a final note, I just need to organize my thoughts so bare with me :P
20th: jake's after school, choir, STUDY MATH
21st: vocal exam solo, drama exam, guitar, STUDY MATH
22nd: ummm... STUDYSTUDYSTUDY
25th: MATH EXAM
26th: ENGLISH EXAM
28th: VOCAL EXAM, steph and kristen stay over
29th: biggest UVR practice of life, hopefully all 4 of us, go to stephs
30-31: at stephs. MAJOR SLEEP AND EATING WEEKEND. AND UVR
lots of love,
~maddy~ xoxo <3
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME. I LOVE YOU AND I'M SORRY IF I'M BEING A BAD FRIEND.
I'm just figuring things out. :) <3